Ordered Chaos & What I'm "Into"

chaos order
order chaos
ordered chaos
chaotic order

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I change my pattern
to better fit the person I think you think you see.

The pattern swirls,
the chaos settles
and I become more me.

I breathe,
I am reborn,
I see the world around me
with new eyes.

I stand in awe
to be a part of the chaos,
a part of the order,
a part of me.

The other day I ran into the mother of a dear, long-time friend. 

I said, in my usual enthusiastic, embracing way, "Mrs. X!  So good to see you!  How are you?"

The first thing she said to me (literally, the first thing...) with what I assumed was concern, was "I know what you're into, Gina."  Not the first sentence I was expecting, and it took me a brief moment of confusion to try and catch up.  I thought she was offering condolences for the loss of my dad (the look that I thought was concern threw me).  Still on that track, I thought maybe I misheard her and thought maybe she meant, "I know what you're facing," and went with that.

"I don't think it's right.  I know what you're into," she repeated.  "You KNOW there's only ONE true way."  I, in a still slightly flabbergasted way, shrugged non-commitally, still not quite on the same page as she (in reflection...it felt very much like Kwai Chang Caine...hahaha!)  She continued forward, "You are in jeopardy of losing your very SOUL."

Finally.

I caught up.

What I'm "into".

Ah.

Without any rancor, bitterness, or defensiveness, and with absolute complete sincerity, stillness, and conviction I replied, "I'm okay with that."

There was a lifting.
I AM okay with that.
Because I know where I am.
I know who I am at this moment.
And I completely disagree with her.

But, arguing isn't going to make it any different.  Defending my position at this juncture isn't going to assuage her fear, her disapproval, her disappointment in me.

When I greet someone, it's with an open heart, open arms, a sharing of the joy, light, & beauty that I carry within me.  I am making an offering to the sacredness that I see in each person.  It is my gift that I readily share with others.  It is my tithe of my being paying tribute to the Universe. 

It's truly intriguing to me that the people who seem to reject that offering the most are some of the ones who say that they don't judge others because judgement is up to God; those who say they love everyone; those who desire to share the acceptance and "washing away of Sin by the Blood of JESUS".

 
And yet, as a group, they are some of the most unhappy people I know. 

I saw with much clarity that day.  I saw the fear.  I saw absolute terror.  I saw a being lost in an unknowing and unknown space of Universe.  She truly didn't see herself in the greatness that is existence.

So.

That made me pause to reflect.

What am I "into"?

I am into love.
I am into making the World a better place.
I am into helping others.
I am into honoring the Universe and the cycles we travel.
I am into communicating with others.
I am into seeing beauty.
I am into laughter.
I am into the uplift, the upswell, the lightness of being.
I am into letting you be you.
I am into science, math, and rational thought.
I am into art, culture, and ceremony.
I am into being me.
I am into being.
I am into.
I am.

To Mrs. X, I say thank you.  Thank you for holding a mirror up to me.  Thank you for causing me to reflect upon myself.  Thank you for being my teacher.  Thank you for being a part of the Universe contemplating itself.  Thank you for being you.  I meant, with all sincerity, that I appreciate your prayers, your concern, and your love.  I honor that and hold it very dear to my heart.