No, I don’t remember that instance, but it was definitely a
life changing experience! I have to breathe on my own? What the heck?! Lights?
Noise?! AAAaaaaiiiiiIII!!!
Then there are the times that we (or others around us) build
up in such a way that we think they SHOULD be life changing events. One of these, for me, was graduating high school (and to some extent, college). Big momentous occasion…and then life keeps doing exactly what it had been doing.
Then, there are the times when an entire year feels like it’s
just one giant turning point. 2012 was that for me.
You know the assessments that you can take to see how much
stress you have in your life and if you might be at risk for a heart attack?
There is an entire spectrum of stressors that fill that assessment: you stubbed
your toe sometime in the last week: 1 point; your cat puked on the rug: 1
point; the rug was an expensive gift from your favorite aunt Trudy: 2 points;
aunt Trudy said your part of the will was dependent on you taking good care of
the rug: 3 points; you realized you don’t have a cat: 4 points.
Then, the list continues with the serious stressors. This
list includes job changes, living situation changes, relationship changes, major
milestones, etc. This category states that if you have ONE of these in your
life, you should probably have a serious discussion with your doctor and get a prescription
of valium.
In 2012, I had SIX-AND-A-HALF
January (7th): I turned 40. Major milestone. And
it was amazing. My husband of 8 years and my best friend coordinated a
wonderful surprise party for me and it was truly beautiful.
June 20th: My husband was getting ready to go out
of town for 4 days with his brothers. I ask if we can talk before he leaves
since we had some things to work out and we weren’t going to have a lot of time
when he returned as I would be coming into tech week of a show. He tells me, “I
think we need to go our separate ways.” Major relationship change. Did not see
that one coming at all!August 1st: Moved to a new place. A long-time friend was also moving and it made sense for us to rent an apartment together. Major living situation change.
October 5th: Started dating my roommate…You live in the same space with someone, and see them day-in/day-out, you learn about each other. You realize that you really do enjoy spending time together, you decide to go on a date, or two or three or fall in love, decide to get married… In any case…ANOTHER major relationship change.
November 2nd: I have a mild case of shingles. This
is the “half” as it was “only” on my right cheek (of my face) and I didn’t have
the extensive case that other people have…but a major medical condition.
November 5th: My dad has a massive aneurism,
rushed to Flagstaff Medical Center, is in a coma for 3 days and dies on
November 8th. He was only 62-years old. Not really something that
was expected. Death of a parent.
December 12th: I got hired for a new job and
scheduled to start January 7, 2013.
And that was my 2012.
So of course my brain keeps trying to find the pattern,
trying to “solve” the riddle (not even sure what the riddle is, but maybe if I
can find the answer to it I can know the riddle…) and I realize I know a time
right before 2012 that I can point to and say, “THAT is when my life changed.”
Thanksgiving 2011. It was an odd numbered year, so that was my
in-laws’ Family Thanksgiving year (even years are Christmas years). We were at
the family house in Mesa, AZ. It was the day after Thanksgiving and my
brother-in-law, Vicente, and I decided to go on a run. The house is along one
of the canals, so we ran down the canal road, crossed a street, continued on
the canal road, came to another street, ran along it a short ways, turned along
another canal road. We were laughing and talking, I had my BlackBerry in my
pocket to track the distance and see a map of where we went, my pony tail was
flipping along my shoulders…when I felt a sharp pain in my left shoulder.
I looked at my shoulder and saw a bee. I was pretty sure I
was allergic to bees. I had been stung 2 other times in my life (once when I
was 4 and another time when I was 21…my leg swelled up to twice its normal size
on that one!) And I’d heard that the more times you are stung in your life the
more reaction you are likely to have. So, this was going to be a doozy. I turned to my Vicente and said, “I think I just got stung by a…” <bzzzzzzzz> Angry buzzing filled the air and we were swarmed. The bees flying all around us, stinging us. He screams, “I’m allergic to bees!” and goes tearing off along the road.
Now, evidently, if I had bolted like he did, I wouldn’t have
been nearly as bad off as I was. If you can run 5 mph for a mile, you can
outrun bees—they only fly 4.5 mph. And they will follow you, so you have to run
at least a mile. But I didn’t know that at the time.
So, now I’m being stung multiple times and the bees are
still swarming all around me. My brain went into list-making crisis mode. I
think, “This is my third time being stung. If I have a severe allergic
reaction, I could go into anaphylactic shock and die. How are my lungs feeling?
Is there any swelling in my mouth or nose? No. Ok. I’ll need to keep track of
that. And it would probably be best if I keep my heart rate regular so it’s not
pumping the venom throughout my system and speeding up any allergic reaction.
Oh, look. There’s Vicente’s glasses. He’s more blind than I am and HAS to wear
his glasses…I should grab them…” and turned around, ran back towards the bees,
picked up his glasses and kept running. At one point, I thought about jumping into the
canal. But where we were along the canal neither major roadway could be seen
which means if we passed out, no one would see our bodies for hours. And if I
jumped in the canal, I could go into anaphylactic shock and drown and still not
have anyone see me to help. So, I kept running.
I kept a steady pace and worked on keeping my breathing very
regular and measured. And I realized that someone should be told where we were
so we could receive medical attention. I pulled out my blackberry, called my
husband, “Hi. We are being attacked by bees an since we’re both allergic, we
probably need someone to pick us up.” It took some amount of time to get us all
connected up because I had to figure out where we were and since I didn’t know
the area I couldn’t give street names. And finally found Vicente at a landmark
we could all identify. “We’re outside the gate at the Park of the Canals.”
Back at the house, my sister-in-law was ready for us. She’s
an emergency room physician and several months before had attended a CME on
infections stings and bites, so knew the most up-to-date protocol for dealing
with my situation. And, just so you know, you’re not supposed to pull out bee
stings with tweezers as that will squeeze more venom into you. You’re supposed
to use a credit card or driver’s license to scrape/flick them out. When it was
all said and done, I had been stung 50 times on my scalp, neck, shoulders, and
upper back. I got Benadryl into me followed with a dose of prednisone. My
brother-in-law only had a 3 stings and was fine.
The bee attack was not the CAUSE of the crazy 2012, but up
to that point, life had just been moving along fairly smoothly. After that…well,
you know about that.
But, what do these turning points mean?
I look at these points and can get entirely overwhelmed with
trying to figure out the why. Especially when I look at them all lined up. But
when I start to look at them as converging points of connections—to other
people, to Mother Nature, to the Universe—they become vertices and a part of a Pattern
that is a mandala that is my Life. Ah! And then I contemplate the fact that if
I follow the connections to other converging points, I have the privilege of
seeing, and interacting with, other Life Mandalas. Existence is much more than
the “Circle of Life”. It’s an interweaving, an entwining, a tangling…It is a
convergence of lines of divergence. It is paradox. It is chaos. It’s a fractal
of which we are all microcosms.
Today, we are all a part of this particular vertex. And I
challenge you—I challenge myself—to become more consciously aware of the
connections; more willing to purposely deepen and darken the connection lines
in some of the places. Because when we do that, we are becoming active
participants in the Pattern building instead of mindless automatons walking
some random path that we are only faintly aware of. We get to be creators of
our own Life Mandalas. We step outside of ourselves and can see ourselves more
clearly. And then we step back to our own center and can more clearly see
others. And we are all “Other” and we are all “Self”.
Thank you for being a part of my Life Mandala today. Thank
you for letting me be a part of yours. Thank you for being a part of this
Turning Point.
