Turning Points

We all have times in our lives that we can look back on, point to and say, “At that exact moment, my life changed.” My first one happened here in Flagstaff…at the Community Hospital on January 7, 1972 at 4:52 in the morning. (That makes me 44 years, 2 months, and 27 days old for those of you trying to do math while still listening to me…)

No, I don’t remember that instance, but it was definitely a life changing experience! I have to breathe on my own? What the heck?! Lights? Noise?! AAAaaaaiiiiiIII!!!

Then there are the times that we (or others around us) build up in such a way that we think they SHOULD be life changing events.

One of these, for me, was graduating high school (and to some extent, college). Big momentous occasion…and then life keeps doing exactly what it had been doing.

Then, there are the times when an entire year feels like it’s just one giant turning point. 2012 was that for me.

You know the assessments that you can take to see how much stress you have in your life and if you might be at risk for a heart attack? There is an entire spectrum of stressors that fill that assessment: you stubbed your toe sometime in the last week: 1 point; your cat puked on the rug: 1 point; the rug was an expensive gift from your favorite aunt Trudy: 2 points; aunt Trudy said your part of the will was dependent on you taking good care of the rug: 3 points; you realized you don’t have a cat: 4 points.

Then, the list continues with the serious stressors. This list includes job changes, living situation changes, relationship changes, major milestones, etc. This category states that if you have ONE of these in your life, you should probably have a serious discussion with your doctor and get a prescription of valium.

In 2012, I had SIX-AND-A-HALF

January (7^th): I turned 40. Major milestone. And it was amazing. My husband of 8 years and my best friend coordinated a wonderful surprise party for me and it was truly beautiful.

June 20^th: My husband was getting ready to go out of town for 4 days with his brothers. I ask if we can talk before he leaves since we had some things to work out and we weren’t going to have a lot of time when he returned as I would be coming into tech week of a show. He tells me, “I think we need to go our separate ways.” Major relationship change. Did not see that one coming at all!

August 1^st: Moved to a new place. A long-time friend was also moving and it made sense for us to rent an apartment together. Major living situation change.

October 5^th: Started dating my roommate…You live in the same space with someone, and see them day-in/day-out, you learn about each other. You realize that you really do enjoy spending time together, you decide to go on a date, or two or three or fall in love, decide to get married… In any case…ANOTHER major relationship change.

November 2^nd: I have a mild case of shingles. This is the “half” as it was “only” on my right cheek (of my face) and I didn’t have the extensive case that other people have…but a major medical condition.

November 5^th: My dad has a massive aneurism, rushed to Flagstaff Medical Center, is in a coma for 3 days and dies on November 8^th. He was only 62-years old. Not really something that was expected. Death of a parent.

December 12^th: I got hired for a new job and scheduled to start January 7, 2013.

And that was my 2012.

So of course my brain keeps trying to find the pattern, trying to “solve” the riddle (not even sure what the riddle is, but maybe if I can find the answer to it I can know the riddle…) and I realize I know a time right before 2012 that I can point to and say, “THAT is when my life changed.”

Thanksgiving 2011. It was an odd numbered year, so that was my in-laws’ Family Thanksgiving year (even years are Christmas years). We were at the family house in Mesa, AZ. It was the day after Thanksgiving and my brother-in-law, Vicente, and I decided to go on a run. The house is along one of the canals, so we ran down the canal road, crossed a street, continued on the canal road, came to another street, ran along it a short ways, turned along another canal road. We were laughing and talking, I had my BlackBerry in my pocket to track the distance and see a map of where we went, my pony tail was flipping along my shoulders…when I felt a sharp pain in my left shoulder.

I looked at my shoulder and saw a bee. I was pretty sure I was allergic to bees. I had been stung 2 other times in my life (once when I was 4 and another time when I was 21…my leg swelled up to twice its normal size on that one!) And I’d heard that the more times you are stung in your life the more reaction you are likely to have. So, this was going to be a doozy.

I turned to my Vicente and said, “I think I just got stung by a…” <bzzzzzzzz> Angry buzzing filled the air and we were swarmed. The bees flying all around us, stinging us. He screams, “I’m allergic to bees!” and goes tearing off along the road.

Now, evidently, if I had bolted like he did, I wouldn’t have been nearly as bad off as I was. If you can run 5 mph for a mile, you can outrun bees—they only fly 4.5 mph. And they will follow you, so you have to run at least a mile. But I didn’t know that at the time.

So, now I’m being stung multiple times and the bees are still swarming all around me. My brain went into list-making crisis mode. I think, “This is my third time being stung. If I have a severe allergic reaction, I could go into anaphylactic shock and die. How are my lungs feeling? Is there any swelling in my mouth or nose? No. Ok. I’ll need to keep track of that. And it would probably be best if I keep my heart rate regular so it’s not pumping the venom throughout my system and speeding up any allergic reaction. Oh, look. There’s Vicente’s glasses. He’s more blind than I am and HAS to wear his glasses…I should grab them…” and turned around, ran back towards the bees, picked up his glasses and kept running.  At one point, I thought about jumping into the canal. But where we were along the canal neither major roadway could be seen which means if we passed out, no one would see our bodies for hours. And if I jumped in the canal, I could go into anaphylactic shock and drown and still not have anyone see me to help. So, I kept running.      

I kept a steady pace and worked on keeping my breathing very regular and measured. And I realized that someone should be told where we were so we could receive medical attention. I pulled out my blackberry, called my husband, “Hi. We are being attacked by bees an since we’re both allergic, we probably need someone to pick us up.” It took some amount of time to get us all connected up because I had to figure out where we were and since I didn’t know the area I couldn’t give street names. And finally found Vicente at a landmark we could all identify. “We’re outside the gate at the Park of the Canals.”

Back at the house, my sister-in-law was ready for us. She’s an emergency room physician and several months before had attended a CME on infections stings and bites, so knew the most up-to-date protocol for dealing with my situation. And, just so you know, you’re not supposed to pull out bee stings with tweezers as that will squeeze more venom into you. You’re supposed to use a credit card or driver’s license to scrape/flick them out. When it was all said and done, I had been stung 50 times on my scalp, neck, shoulders, and upper back. I got Benadryl into me followed with a dose of prednisone. My brother-in-law only had a 3 stings and was fine.

The bee attack was not the CAUSE of the crazy 2012, but up to that point, life had just been moving along fairly smoothly. After that…well, you know about that.

But, what do these turning points mean?

I look at these points and can get entirely overwhelmed with trying to figure out the why. Especially when I look at them all lined up. But when I start to look at them as converging points of connections—to other people, to Mother Nature, to the Universe—they become vertices and a part of a Pattern that is a mandala that is my Life. Ah! And then I contemplate the fact that if I follow the connections to other converging points, I have the privilege of seeing, and interacting with, other Life Mandalas. Existence is much more than the “Circle of Life”. It’s an interweaving, an entwining, a tangling…It is a convergence of lines of divergence. It is paradox. It is chaos. It’s a fractal of which we are all microcosms.

Today, we are all a part of this particular vertex. And I challenge you—I challenge myself—to become more consciously aware of the connections; more willing to purposely deepen and darken the connection lines in some of the places. Because when we do that, we are becoming active participants in the Pattern building instead of mindless automatons walking some random path that we are only faintly aware of. We get to be creators of our own Life Mandalas. We step outside of ourselves and can see ourselves more clearly. And then we step back to our own center and can more clearly see others. And we are all “Other” and we are all “Self”.

Thank you for being a part of my Life Mandala today. Thank you for letting me be a part of yours. Thank you for being a part of this Turning Point.