Breathing through Social Distancing

I'm a hugger. Anyone who knows me also knows I am willing to share "inside the personal bubble" space when needed. I hug with my entire being, allowing others to be in my space, and accepting them in theirs. It is a part of how I allow others to heal, to feel accepted, to feel love. It is how and where I experience love, accept myself, and give space to my own healing.

Then, along comes CoViD-19, social/physical distancing, not getting within 6-feet of another human being. And so, of course that means NO HUGGING. 

The first week was a literal ache in my soul, my body, my entire being. My sense of touch begged for the enthusiastic embrace of dearly loved friends, the genuine joy of greeting colleagues, the welcoming enfolding with someone who is willing to be in that moment with just you. 

And then it became just a numb pain that was slowly draining the essence of who I was, coagulating the river that was my spirit into a thickening ooze of congealed and deadened dendrites. Disconnected, unfeeling, raw, and destitute. 

Not fun, to say the least! Anxiety became pronounced. Mini-quakes of panic tremored both my waking and sleeping moments.

And then, I remembered an exercise shared with me by George Breed.

Park your body in an alert, yet relaxed and stable posture. 

Breathe in deeply, smoothly, calmly. 

Breathe out beyond the far horizon. 

Visualize a sphere of energy the size of an orange 

at your center of balance, about two inches below 

your navel and deep inside. 

Halve it in size. 

Halve it again. 

Continue to halve it until you reach 

subatomic realms and the Infinity of Inside.

Then double it and continue doubling until 

you and the Earth are enveloped in a light-filled 

sphere of energy. 

Continue to expand until you reach galactic 

realms and the Infinity of Outside.

Condense again. 

Repeat the process for as long as is comfortable.

I practiced expanding and contracting. I breathed to the edge of the Universe in both directions. I let my Be-ing Be.

Then I wondered, "I wonder if I could expand my energy to others that I cannot physically hug right now? Could I 'hug' someone in this manner?"

And so I began practicing. I tried enlarging my energy during interactions with my husband and mother (who were social distancing with me in our house). When I would go out in my neighborhood, I practiced expanding my "bubble" to the 6-foot recommended physical distancing distance. Then when I would see a neighbor at their door, as I waved to them, I'd swell my energy bubble to where they were standing.

I don't know if others can feel it with the surity that they could feel my physical hugs. But I am going to keep practicing. 

So, if you would like to be a part of my experiment, if you are in dire need of hugs, let me know. It may not be quite as satisfying as a physical hug, but I will keep trying and see what comes of this. And it will be good practice! 

Fear 2020.04.16

My deep fear: that things WILL go *back* to how they were. 

With the current state of being: the physical distancing, the masks, the hand-washing, the sharing what I have with those who don't have, the constant checking in on others, the need to update on how we're holding up...i can adjust and adapt and survive (&even thrive) during all of this. 

The pieces of joy that I experience in this include seeing people slow down; seeing people walking through my neighborhood; seeing even more people on bikes; walking through town and not hearing a constant thrum of cars on the roads, hearing about the things (old&new) people are doing to keep themselves occupied; the times of deep reflection we are all having to to; the way communities are devising new ways of being "community".

All of the things we HAVE TO do (or should be doing), all of the coping mechanisms that are coming into play... I can deal with all of that because I can DO something. 

But so many things were broken or barely limping along before all of this. 

The fear creeps in when I contemplate the time after this. The what ifs...What if people just go back to rushing around, being disconnected, not caring for others, for the Earth? What if people forget lessons learned, experiences shared, emotions experienced during this time? What if the trauma we all are experiencing gets brushed under the rug and ignored or disregarded? What if the glimmer of the new way of Be-ing that is at the brink of being birthed gets crushed in the rush "back" to "normal"?