NERD!

This is what thefreedictionary.com says about nerds (and other words associated with nerds):

nerd also nurd  (nûrd)nerd (nɜrd)
n. Slang
1. A foolish, inept, or unattractive person.
2. A person who is single-minded or accomplished in scientific or technical pursuits but is felt to be socially inept.
[1950–55; of obscure origin]

dweeb  (dwb)
n. Slang
A person regarded as socially inept or foolish, often on account of being overly studious.
[Origin unknown.]

geek  (gk) Slang
n. Slang.
1. a peculiar person, esp. one who is overly intellectual.
2. an expert in computers (a term of pride as self-reference, but often considered offensive when used by outsiders.)
3. A person who is single-minded or accomplished in scientific or technical pursuits but is felt to be socially inept.
4. a carnival performer billed as performing bizarre acts, as biting off the head of a live chicken.
[1905–10; probably variant of geck (mainly Scots) fool < Dutch or Low German gek]


From a very young age, these original definitions were definitely me on some level or another.  Maybe not to the "unattractive" level (*I've* always thought I was pretty/attractive.  Is it my fault no one ever saw it, too?!)  But I was most definitely never in the "cool" corner.  So, I didn't even try.  

Well, I sort of tried, but not in any way, shape or form that ever really mattered.  If it was something *I* thought was cool, or interesting or just something I wanted to do, that's what I did.  Did it matter to me that others didn't think it was cool or that I was a weirdo for doing/thinking it?  No, not really.  I mean, of course it did at some point.  But, I got really good at hiding my emotions and not letting anyone know that what they thought affected me.  

I also got really good at being ULTRA co-dependent.  It made me happy to make sure everyone else was happy.  My happiness DEPENDED on other people not being uncomfortable, unhappy, or in need of anything.  For instance, one of my husbands (yes, I'm on my third one...) Anyway!  He would be drinking water.  I would be IN THE OTHER ROOM--reading or something--he would set his cup down on the coffee table.  I could hear the difference in the water level of the cup and would know when he needed his water refilled and would stop whatever I was doing to go refill his water.  He never asked me to, I just did it.  (I really didn't mind, but reciprocity would have been nice!)

Of course, some of that also came from having a dad who had a temper when I was little.  I got really good at not getting in trouble because I could tell when he was mad.  He grew out of it and eventually we could both argue--very loudly--without ever being mad at each other, but...it definitely affected me as a child.

ANYWAY.  
I was definitely a nerd.  

I loved reading.  Everything.  If there were words on it, I read it.  I loved learning new things.  I loved reading about learning about new things.  I loved going to school (granted, until 3rd grade, it was to talk to all the people in class!  I had a TON of homework when I was in 2nd grade.  My mom went to talk to Mrs. Stevens who said that I had plenty of time to complete my work in class...I just was always talking and not working, so had to take it home...)  

I've always liked comic books (before they were cool and known as "graphic novels").  And I've always been one to dress up (before it was "cool-ified" to "cosplay").  But, they've always been random things that I found interesting.  If I had known about (or, more accurately: had any money to be able to attend) comic-cons in whatever form when I was younger, I would have been the one that came up with my own costume and iteration of whatever I was dressing up as.  I would have been one saying, "Who says Superman has to be a man?"  Or "Who says WonderWoman has to have large lungs?"  I would have come up with my own interpretation of whatever it was I was dressing up as.  And I would have been incredibly happy with it.

I loved math.  Even despite Mrs. Dalegowski who mocked me for not knowing my multiplication facts during the first week of class---in front of everyone--while we were doing the chalk board math races.  I loved science.  I loved that math and science played on the same playground together!

I never thought much about "how do I use this in the real world".  I just loved being able to have a set of information and data, manipulate it and come up with something else.  I even ended up in Calculus my Senior year in high school.  Most everyone else in the class had plans on engineering or something.  But not me.  That's just where I ended up.  And I liked it.  I think I even got a B+ without tons of effort.  Yes, I worked on it.  But I didn't stress out over it.

I have always been a nerd.  And yes, I had the term thrown at me like a wet paper towel.  But, maybe that's where my social ineptness came in handy.  I didn't always get that those people were being assholes.  (Actually...I probably prayed for them, thinking back to the Gina of yester-year...)  Anyway.  I knew what I liked.  I enjoyed my own skewed window on the world.  I figured out how to be able to cope, get by, hold the pain tightly to me and change my own path to avoid those people who didn't want to know the real me, and never let the real me be quite seen.  By anyone.

I didn't (and still don't) have to buy the  latest who-si-whats-it to appreciate smartness, cleverness and intelligence.  I didn't have to have the latest cool stuff to learn cool things and accomplish interesting stuff (it would have been EASIER if I did.  Actually, I never had money to have what I needed, so..."poverty is the invention of inventiveness?"   I might not have been such a whiz with cardboard, paper, duct tape and paint!)

I traveled on my own solitary nerdy, geeky path.

And then today, nerd is the new cool.  

Well, then...

I guess since I've NEVER been cool...

YEEESSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FINALLY!!!  I am no longer a nerd!

I'm probably closer to a wacko or screwball...definitely an eccentric!  

But, no longer a nerd. 





The above post is prompted by this FB comment to a friend:  
Randomness: I periodically remember your survey about girls and comic books.  It's quite hilarious to me that I'm re-remembering things about me and comics since that survey.  I was definitely a comic girl.  Part of it came from reading EVERYTHING that I could ALL THE TIME.  I read them while they were still called "comic books" and not "graphic novels".  I was never one of the cool kids, and never got into dressing as characters or whatnot.  But then, I have been known to just dress up (costume or ultra-dressy) randomly for the heck of it...so, maybe I'm just a character!  (But, we all know the obviousness of THAT statement!)  Haha!  Anyway, thank you for including me in that survey.  It's reconnected me with pieces of me that were sitting on the shelf just waiting to be rediscovered.  :)