Standing

A FaceBook/Flagstaff acquaintance is going through a life-shattering, soul-crushing, grief-stricken experience.  His son died and he is right in the middle of getting all the memorial pieces pulled together, the family notifications, the continuing with "everyday life" that carries on even though we would prefer time to stop.

Throughout, he's posted his reflections, his mourning process, his shock.  The one that captured my attention the most is titled "Standing for Sam".  It is a raw admission of flaw and a strong declaration of future resolve: to be there in the capacity that his son will no longer be able to; to stand in his son's stead when it was something that his son would have stood up for; to fill the shoes of someone who wanted to make a difference in the world.

And it got me thinking.  

Who has affected me so much that I am willing to take up the mantle of making a difference in their name?  

And that got me thinking further.

We all have someone that has left us before we were quite ready for them to leave.  Death, distance, time, twists & turns of life.  For many and various reasons, we all have someone who made a huge impact on our lives but is no longer physically with us.  

So, what if we all stood for those people?  What if we actively said, "I will make a difference.  I will step in where that person is no longer able to.  I will put aside my own ego and make the world a better place."  What if we consciously took a moment to stop being in our own jerky heads, wanting everything to be how we think it should be...

and stopped...  

Just hit pause for 2-seconds and truly see--really hear--others around us.  

Then, take it a step further.  

What would happen if we all started seeing others as ourselves?  Instead of shying away from "undesirables", really seeing them.  Instead of shielding ourselves in our fortresses of solitude, letting others see us--our foibles, our darkness, our shortcomings, our incompleteness.  

What would happen when we truly saw others as ourselves and ourselves as others?  

We would gladly step up to stand for another. 

We would be able to humbly stand--with compassion, with love, without judgement--for ourselves.  

Shoulder-to-shoulder, hand-in-hand, heart-by-heart.

And so, my own resolve, my own declaration of standing:
I stand for my fathers, my mother, my sisters, my brothers
I stand for my grandparents, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins
I stand for love
I stand for peace
I stand for my ancestors
I stand for my descendants
I stand for others who want a better world for those that come after
I stand for those who are no longer able to stand
I stand for my friends
I stand for connecting to those around me
I stand for hugging twice
I stand for crying
I stand for laughing
I stand for compassion
I stand for those who have touched my life
I stand for those who've been impacted by me
I stand for you
I stand for me
I stand

Who will you stand for?

Gina's Season of MORE!

3.12.14
(category: Being Human): 
Today was an interestingly bittersweet day.  I took a cashier's check to Lozano's Mortuary to pay off the final piece of my dad's funeral.  A little bit surreal.  A little bit emotional.  A little bit relieved.  A little bit of regret.  Happy it was done.  Sad of the cause.  I love you, Bobby Byars.  I work every day to be as generous as you, as slightly irreverent as you, as enjoying of life as you, as excited about learning things as you.  May I have the courage to play the fool while pointing out the truths that need to be stated as you did.  May I have the strength to sing my songs at the top of my voice like you did.  May I honor you, my ancestor, my friend, my Dad. 

3.11.14
(category: laughter): 
I was remembering the hand cream called Bag Balm. I decided that if I was going to come up with a version if it, I'd want it to come in a squeezable udder-shaped bottle. And I'd call it "Under the Cow". I laughed for a full minute when I shared this with Scott.

3.10.14
(category: Hope): 
I have had the privilege of being auntie to some amazing young people.  They are smart, caring, passionate and genuinely nice people.  They give me much hope for the future of the world.  I hope that they know they can always count on me for support of their awesomeness.  Watch out, World, they're going to make amazing changes and make a difference in the Universe!   Andrea Harris Clifton Harris Alex Harris Wesley Bratt Tara Nicole Carlee Ann McKay Justin McKay, Trevor Harris Brandon Harris, Carter Harris Abel Harris.  You "kids" rock and inspire me to continue making the World a better place with my efforts, too.

3.9.14
(category: Joy, Laughter): 
Caterpillar Kisses.  What?  You don't know what caterpillar kisses are?  WELL!  They are an invention of mine that brought us much laughter this morning.  You've heard of butterfly kisses, of course--those light, feathery kisses produced by fluttering eyelashes against someone's cheek.  Caterpillar kisses are like that...except they use the eyebrows as the caterpillars.  They work the best when nestled in the crook of the neck, then waggling your eyebrows (and it's important that they are waggled and not wiggled).  Next up: learning the art of Exploding Kisses, an invention by Helen Muccitelli!

(category: Laughter): 
I'm very glad that I didn't try to exactly copy "Lenten season" by calling mine "Moren season"...

3.8.14
(categories: Love, Gratitude): 
I have a partner who I love dearly and am incredibly grateful to have in my life..  He listens and asks crucial questions that help me get to the bottom of what I'm processing.  He laughs with me at goofy things.  He holds me when I'm having emotional moments (sad or happy).  He gives me space when I need it.  We've been together only a year & a half, but the depths that we've traveled have been a lifetime of connection building.  I am so blessed to have Scott Godwin as my partner on this crazy adventure called life!

3.7.14
(category: Love)
WuChiKu reflections:  Life is flow.  Love is flow.  WuChiKu is an In-bodying of that flow.  To receive love, you must give love.  Be open to the flow.  Be open to the love.  Embrace.  Release. 

(categories: Food, Joy) 
For breakfast this morning, I feel like having lightly steamed, still slightly crunchy, asparagus sprinkled with a little salt.  YUM!  That will be followed by coffee and some left over dessert.  I love being an adult and choosing what I eat when!

(category: Laughter)
I crack myself up.  I woke up laughing this morning due to the last line of a dream.  "Jeez...make ONE little mistake...you accidentally call your girlfriend your live-in concubine..."

3.6.14
Today, I am grateful for family that will stand side-by-side with me, look challenges in the eye and then laugh with me once the challenge has been met.  I love my family--blood, acquired and on-purpose.

3.5.14
For "lent" I am not giving up anything.  I have decided that I am, instead, adding MORE to my life.  More Peace.  More Joy.  More Hope.  More Gratitude.  More time for myself.  More time with people I love.  More good/quality food.  More things that make me laugh.  More breath.  More light.  More darkness.  More LIFE!  I will be posting at least once a day of something that increases my peace, joy, hope or gratitude.

Birthday Blessings

Carpe Diem. -Horace
Carpe Parentes. -Alan Spiegler
Carpe Amor.  -GinaMarie

We are not assured of anything but right now. "Seize the Day!" Live your life with no regrets. Risk being happy. What do you have to lose?

Children, hug your parents.  Parents, hug your children.  We don't know how long we have with them. Cherish your time with them. Make memories to sustain you when they're gone.

When love comes to you, don't take it for granted.  Revel in it. Share it with others. Nurture it so it grows.

May 2014 be a year filled with love, happiness, laughter, experiences, joy and Be-ing.

Blessed Be!

Where am I?

From a letter to Helen about how I'm doing...

Yes.  I'm doing a lot of meditation and trying to stay grounded yet still reaching to the sky.  

There are days that I just want to curl up and stay in bed.  There are days that I don't want to talk to anyone.  There are days when I really wish I could just say, "Fuck it," and run away to...well, somewhere different.

I was thinking this morning and wondering why some people are able to not see their responsibility in ANY situation (not their fault, just the part they play in in) and why some people become impaired by stress/distress, and why some just can't seem to function no matter what.  :)  

I am working very hard at being mindful in all that I do.  I am not doing as much exercise as I want/should, but...it is what it is.  (I actually am getting to where I absolutely loath that statement! ha!)

I switched to a naturopathic doctor a couple of days ago, since I think I'm hitting periomenopause (or at least approaching it) and I want to be proactive to change and want to do more than just hormone replacement.  She's going to start me on low-dose progesterone as a small start.  She's checking adrenals to see what stress-levels my body is running on and she's willing to work with me on ways to anticipate and adjust my body's needs vs. always just messing with symptoms.  

Blech.  So.  There's the semi-short version of me dealing with my own PTSD.  Haha! (You should hear the LONG version...)  :)

WuChiKu Reflections 8.24.13

Reflection of this week's WuChiKu class

From George Breed: There are 5 actions/motion of WuChiKu
-Away
-Towards
-Against
-With
-As

The goal is to move As while keeping our own center of being.   The true state of moving As means being at our center of our universe (not The Center, but a center...) and allowing others to be at their center.  We can move our center to be concentrically aligned with others and allow others to be concentrically aligned with ours, this is the true act of Be-ing.  So, there is actually only 1 motion/action: the action of Be-ing. When we are truly Be-ing, we will move Away, Towards, Against, With or As as the circumstance needs, expanding and contracting our own sphere as the situation calls.

8.29.13
Waking contemplation on the motion of Be-ing...

I think there is also moving Without.  This is motion of absence; absence of another, absence of oneself, absence of consciousness, absence of thought.  But not necessarily absence of Be-ing.  It is motion that is independent of other energy.  It is motion that can be outside time and space.  It is motion of survival.  It is motion of refuge.  It is motion of contemplation.  It is motion of Loss.  It is motion of seclusion.  ...or is this still the motion of With?  And one would be moving With Out?  Who/What is "out"?

reaction to the recent rapes & subsequent capture of the suspect in Flagstaff

08.16.13

Thoughts and Ponderings: Rape, Victims, & Suspects

1. Rape is evil.
2. People should feel safe wherever they are.
3. NO ONE “deserves” or “is asking” to be raped.  Ever.  No matter the clothes worn (or not); no matter the substances ingested (legal or illegal); no matter time, place, circumstance; no matter what.

I am angry that 3 rapes took place in my home town.  I am angry that it took a 3rd one for the town to be actively searching for the perpetrator.  I am heartbroken for the people whose lives have been irretrievably changed.  And I am disturbed.

I am disturbed by the rancor and vitriol that is being spoken.  Not because of the anger.  There is every reason to be angry.  But, I’m uneasy because it holds an overtone of Rage.  With a capitol R.  With a scorching, intensely roiling fire-bolt of destructive indignation.  I’m troubled because instead of this opening a place to truly address the illness that this is a symptom of, we are all rising up and saying, “KILL THE BEAST!”

I won’t say, “The rapist is a victim of society.”  No.  He’s responsible for his own actions.  He has to suffer the consequences.  He has to pay for his transgression.  But, the punishment has to be meted out without heat, without Rage, without righteous indignation.  In a fair manner.

“But, HE WASN’T FAIR TO THE WOMEN HE ATTACKED!” you scream.

And I agree.  He wasn’t.  But, who do WE want to be in the future?  Striking out with blind fury puts us in the same category as him.  We can’t change him, so we have to change ourselves.  Not to accept rape.  But to address the things that lead to rape.

Somewhere along the way, society failed him.  And we are a part of that society.  The fact that there’s even a HINT of invitation to rape because of clothing, actions, being in “the wrong place” shows there is sickness that needs to be dealt with.  Those comments should NEVER be thought (let alone voiced) when there is an attack on someone.

My heart is saddened for him.  I grieve for the little boy who ran around outside, maybe playing in the mud, maybe building forts, maybe counting stars at night.  Somewhere, he did not receive what he needed, so he felt justified to take.  And that, too, makes me sad.

Punish him.  Let him rot in jail.  Take his life, if that’s truly what is warranted.

But, do it in a way that does not plant the seeds of unforgiveness, maliciousness, and unkindness in our own hearts.  Do it with compassion (odd as that may sound).  Do it without emotion.  Do it as if we are doing it to ourselves.  Because as much as it infuriates us, he is a part of us, and we have to address it.  We have to figure out how to initiate change.  We have to discover ways to make the world a better place for our descendants.  

So, what will I do?  I will receive and give love.  I will not walk in fear.  I will fight against wrongdoings and stand up to bullies.  I will be aware.  I will appreciate beauty.  I will stand my ground against injustice.  I will speak kindness.  I will shed tears of sorrow and of joy.  I will keep learning to defend myself and encouraging others to do the same and working towards a day that it is no longer necessary.

And if someone ever harms one I love, do know there will be fury…but it won’t be blind.

Spring Reflections

Spring reflections
3.29.13

The long dark of winter time pulls us inside ourselves.
We hunker down--below the howling cold of the snowy storms--into the dim recesses of our inner core, conserving resources as we contemplate our harvest, awaiting the dawn of longer, warmer days and dream of spring rains and summer nights.

Spring comes and we begin to emerge.
Slowly shedding the layers that helped keep us warm, kept us safe.
The sun continues its climb into the northern sky, reaching warm tendrils
of new life into the soil, the sleeping plants, our own dream-dazzled state of being.

We stretch!
We exhale the air of our winter enclosures.
We inhale
the sparkling in-rush of new beginnings, fresh starts and expansiveness.
We stand on the still cold Earth,
turning our faces to the sun,
soaking the warmth into our very souls,
conduits of warmth and light and life,
gathering the sun's rays
and letting them seep from us to the gently waking mother Gaia,
feeling our heartbeats slowly attune to the drumming of her rhythms.

We stand,
feeling the dance gathering beneath our feet;
feeling Spring time opening all around us;
feeling the birth, the rebirth, the be-ing that is all around us, that is us.

I Contemplate: What do I want to harvest this season?  What are my Dreams?  What is my destiny?  What is inside of me that will help bring those things truly to fruition?  I Honor my insight.  I Honor my ME-ness.  I'll make my destiny mine!  I'll Be the Spring in my own circle of being.